Tuesday, March 10, 2009

national novice debate

Hi guys, this is my reflection on national novice debate 2009

We have fun but sad to say we didnt manage to break. :(...i felt kinda dissapointed. Here is some recaps on the rounds based on my experience.

Round 1:
We have chosen the motion THW remove any race identification in Malaysia. We get the opposition.

This round we didnt win. I thought we have high possible chance to win since the gov comes out with such a weak problem of why they need to remove any race identification. They also didnt manage to show the effects of removing race identification altough we keep harping on mechanism of removing identity, societal acceptance as well as the effect of removing race identity. Perhaps, it's my fault also that I didnt manage to make clear of everything..sigh...also, the sitting are extremely weird. opposition sits at the front rows, the gov sits at the back row, and the adjud sits far away that he only can see our back...sigh...What i can say is perhaps, this is just a warm up for us since the chemistry between my teamates and i havent mixed.

Round 2:
We chose the motion THW allow abortion in the case of physical deformities. We get the goverment.

This round we won with a clear margin although we nearly get penalised. We set a very narrow case that it is unfair for the opposition. We would only allow abortion if the child would suffer without cure after they are born and will die at the age of one years old...we refer these child as those who born with an impairment - lack of brains, legs, hands, abnormal....I know it's kinda unfair for the opposition to say anything about it... Yet, our prime minister manage to set a very clear this proposal on how it will be carried out and how we are going to allow abortion. Our deputy prime minister, which the adjud says she is the best speaker for the room, managed to make lots of assumptions towards opposition side since the leader of opp have nothing to say after being attacking by us...towards the end for the opposition team, especially the opp whip, a lot of issues start to come out but didnt manage to save their team...we felt quite sorry for them because we create such an unfair case.

Round 3:
We chose the motion THBT lifestyles choices should be taken into consideration when receiving organs. We get the gov again.

This round we won with a close margin. This round is superbly crazy. One of the opponents is the african american - i assume. The opposition didnt understand what we are talking about and we cant understand theirs as well. I just manage to get some gists of what they are saying because i know some of their accent...alright, putting that aside...we create such a stupid problem by saying that we lack of organ in the country. so before deciding on which patient to give to, we will look into their lifestyles choices. we will make priority to those who have healthy lifestyle, and if there is a leftover, we will give to those who with unhealthy lifestlye. We make craps by refering lifestlyes choices to those alcholics and the organs, we refer it as liver. I am not sure why suddenly the opposition team came out with smoking which the leader of opp didnt challenge our definition of lifestyle choices and organs...lol... we keep telling them we are making priorities and we didnt ignore them. and again and again we are talking about the problems that we have - lack of organ...sigh...just kinda messy...

Round 4: Silent Round
We chose the motion THW never award a Chris Brown a Grammy. Ever. we get the gov again.

This round i think we lost although we thought we can win. Personally, i think the problem arise in gov side is that we fail to make a link on the effects of violence towards the Grammy. if the person is talented, why should we remove the award just because of a violence act. perhaps, this round is my fault - i am kinda lost in space trying to figure out how to connect this problems. The opponent keeps coming out and says they have been together again...chris brown has been forgiven by his gf...sigh...i just manage to make craps. - this round is the worst round for me, i suppose (everything was totally out, and i am back doing the samething that i used to do during training - talking only for 6minutes 30 seconds)

Round 5: Silent Round
We chose the motion THW impose carbon tax on individuals. We are the opp.

This round we won with a clear margin after consulting with the adjud. It was really scaring because the adjud is the CA. And we assume that we are in the bubble room...the first speaker and the second speaker of both teams contradict each other...however, we managed to point out our opponent's contradiction but they dont. The gov just mention the problem is the climate change, the room is so hot, the greenhouse effects - i wonder why should they need to impose tax on ppl..lol..and the gov says that they will measure the amount of releasing carbon of car and industry, then they will impose tax - i wonder what is the effects of impose tax which they didnt mention at all; will it decrease the numbers of car? numbers of industry? i managed to rebute on the point of effects of imposing tax and how it will link to decrease of cars and the most important things is the effects towards to malaysian economic system, no one buys the car and no one wants to work in industry...lol... putting that aside, our leader of opp create a bluff problem. He says that our gov themselves didnt provide any environmental friendly product - no hybrid cars, no biotech, etc...so it's the gov's fault,hence, they should not impose tax on the ppl, instead improving on the products...(which comes into help in my whip - ppl dont produce carbon, it's the product that produce carbon. Instead of putting a tax on ppl, we should blame on the car and industry itself...what a money making country.)...putting that aside again, my deputy leader of opp, she nearly contradict with the leader, but she managed to make it through at the end of it...bravo. we were real afraid that we didnt win...

Overall, i felt kinda dissapointed to let everyone down that we didnt manage to break. we cant break because speakers score, sigh...perhaps, it's my poor score for round 1 and round 4 which i didnt perform as good as the other three rounds...sorry everyone, I will try as hard as possible for the next time in improving my structure and my knowledge. If my mind is totally clueless of anything, i wont know what i am saying - perhaps all craps just like what i did in the 4th round (I have no idea who Chris Brown is and what had happened). Yet, i still feel that this is the great experience working with my teamates- if there is another chance, hopefully we can be a team again...lol...there are lots of rooms for improvement..:D...

Monday, March 9, 2009

Mother's love

I read on a touching story............

My mom only had one eye. I hated her... She was such an embarrassment. She cooked for students and teachers to support the family.

There was this one day during elementary school where my mom came to say hello to me. I was so embarrassed.

How could she do this to me? I ignored her, threw her a hateful look and ran out. The next day at school one of my classmates said, 'EEEE, your mom only has one eye!'

I wanted to bury myself. I also wanted my mom to just disappear. I confronted her that day and said, ' If you're only gonna make me a laughing stock, why don't you just die?'

My mom did not respond... I didn't even stop to think for a second about what I had said, because I was full of anger. I was oblivious to her feelings.

I wanted out of that house, and have nothing to do with her. So I studied real hard, got a chance to go abroad to study.

Then, I got married. I bought a house of my own. I had kids of my own. I was happy with my life, my kids and the comforts. Then one day, my Mother came to visit me. She hadn't seen me in years and she didn't even meet her grandchildren.

When she stood by the door, my children laughed at her, and I yelled at her for coming over uninvited. I screamed at her, 'How dare you come to my house and scare my children!' GET OUT OF HERE! NOW!!!'

And to this, my mother quietly answered, 'Oh, I'm so sorry. I may have gotten the wrong address,' and she disappeared out of sight.

One day, a letter regarding a school reunion came to my house. So I lied to my wife that I was going on a business trip. After the reunion, I went to the old shack just out of curiosity.

My neighbors said that she died. I did not shed a single tear. They handed me a letter that she had wanted me to have.

'My dearest son,

I think of you all the time. I'm sorry that I came to your house and scared your children.

I was so glad when I heard you were coming for the reunion. But I may not be able to even get out of bed to see you. I'm sorry that I was a constant embarrassment to you when you were growing up.

You see........when you were very little, you got into an accident, and lost your eye. As a mother, I couldn't stand watching you having to grow up with one eye. So I gave you mine.

I was so proud of my son who was seeing a whole new world for me, in my place, with that eye.

With all my love to you,

Your mother.

Sunday, February 15, 2009

My target

Hey! I am back for being lost in time lately. There are lots of assignments going on and I am trying to do my best this semester. I am aiming at the biggest target - dean list. Last sem, it was my first time getting dean list. You cant imagine how happy I am when I see my result. This sem, i am aiming for second one.

I will put in more efforts to accomplish my work. I knew some of my classmates wont want to be group with me, because I know in the past, I didnt put in my effort to do things. Yeah, i know i am kinda a passenger to some of the people. But, what i could say is that i cant 'click' with people easily. It will take time for me to merge into some of the groups.

From these sem onwards, I really will try my best to do the best. If i cant get the dean list, i wont be regret. As long as I have put in my effort, i will be satisfied. Aslo, i hope people working together with me, they will same getting dean list. Fight for thebest....yahoo...

Wednesday, January 7, 2009

Avoidance: Faded Life

Ever since my father’s death, I felt like I didn’t want to go back to home. What’s a home for me? Where’s my home? Living in my uncle’s house is considered as home? I know a lot of people would ask, “how about your mother?” I knew that she suffered a lot, not that I didn’t want to go back to see her, but, just the problem with my youngest brother.

Perhaps, not everyone goes though the same life as me. No one understands or knows the truth behind my life. People thought that I have the same life as them, enjoying an easy life. What they didn’t know was that I tried to keep my patient towards my youngest brother, at the same time, having a kind of hatred which would really want to kill him.

My youngest brother was declared as abnormal, whom suffers from a disease, which the doctor known it as autism. He can’t really talk since he was a kid. It was really hard for us as a family to understand what he wanted to say. We had to really guess what he wanted to convey. Sometimes, he would cry if his message could not get across, so that, we had to try to guess it again and again.

People might view him as stupid person. However, he isn’t a retard. He ever attended school, both primary and secondary, and he was so picky that he would choose the best homework with all the correct answers from his friends to copy. Also, he never got last in the exam, perhaps, bottom three or four – that’s good enough compared with a normal person.

I feel sympathy towards my mother. She is the one who has the determination to bring and fetch my youngest brother before and after school, walking with him, chasing after him if he ran. It is a hard life for her, but, she really hope that my brother can learn something in school, as well as he can socialize and mix with the normal people.

The situation started to shift ever since we moved from Bintulu to Mukah. In the beginning, he attended school as a normal student. Until one day, he came back from school screaming and shouting not wanting go to school again. Of course, my mother really feared that he would grow up as an individualistic. No matter how hard she advised him, he still insisted of not going to school.

I really doubt with what’s happening in school. Was the student bullying him? Teasing him? Was the teacher scolding him? Isolated him? Discriminated him? Isn’t it a teacher’s role to educate student, threat every student as normal? If the teachers there are good enough, why did my youngest brother not wanting to go to school? I was sure that something must happen in school.

So, since then, he was kept at home, behaving well in the beginning. He would volunteer washing every plate after meal, washing the toilet in the afternoon, mopping and sweeping the floor in the evening. It started to be his daily routine. People may say he was a good boy, but, that’s just the surface.
His behavior started to get worse each day. He would stomp his foot and shout if his message cannot get across. He would force my mother so say what he wanted until he satisfied. However, this started to get worse day by day. His demand was getting more and more, he would ask my mother to repeat the same thing again and again even though she got it right.

When I was studying in Kuching, I received a weird call from my mother. I knew it was weird because she called me when she supposed to be in church. It was really odd when I looked at the time, by which she wouldn’t ever call me around that – my dad only allowed her to call me after 10pm because the fare is cheaper. By the way she phrased her words and her intonation, as her child, I could feel that something was wrong.

With that strong instinct, I secretly message to my eldest brother since he was at home. Perhaps, he knew something. As I expected, something really did happen. My youngest brother purposely knocked his hard metal head onto my mother’s left eye brow, making a black spot. What I knew from my eldest brother was that my youngest brother was unsatisfied with something. I was really worried with my mum, so, I told my brother not to tell mom that I knew what’s happening. I knew she didn’t want me to worry.

On the next day, I receive another message from my elder brother, saying that my youngest brother was making another black spot on my mother’s right eye. What should I do? I can’t fly back there. I didn’t want to call back because I didn’t want my mother to suspend that I knew what was happening at home. So, I didn’t really call home and what I could do is just prayed hoping that everything would be alright.

During the holiday, I went back. In the car, my father told me that my brother had changed a lot. He didn’t really want to talk to anyone, and also, he didn’t want to do house routine. The only thing that he would do was washing plate. My father warned me not to wash the plate, even not to put them in the washing basin, after lunch and dinner. All I needed to do was left all the plate on the table after meal, and my youngest would do the rest. The worst part was that he wouldn’t want people to step into the kitchen when he was washing dishes.

He used to clean the toilet and sweeping and mopping the floor. Now, he didn’t want to do it. Everyday, after my father came back from work at noon time, he would force my father to bring him out. That would be the perfect time for my mother to wash the toilet and mop the floor. If my youngest brother knew that my mother did all that, again, he would behave madly. Of course, my mother is clever enough to use an unused cloth to wipe the floor.

During my father’s death, he excluded himself as family member. By the time my father’s death when he was at the side, my mother told me that he was laughing. Perhaps, he didn’t know what was happening. I didn’t really want to blame him, but, during the funeral, he didn’t want to look my father. No one dare to ask him to go and see because, everyone knew that he would misbehave there. In the church, he sat with my relatives instead with us.
It really pissed my off. My father loved him so much compare to the love he gave to me and my eldest brother. I was being punished when I did something wrong, compared to him, never! Did he ever suffer the punishment I went through? Being spanked? Locked in the washroom? Dragged and pushed outside the house and lived there alone at night? My father never treated him that way! What he wanted, my father would buy for him. Me? Nothing! Even, he will lecture first before giving me the money – just 20 sen.

My youngest brother really enjoyed a lot. Should I not to blame him because he suffered from autism? Was that a merely excuse for me not to scold him? What should I do to make him realize? He didn’t know the luxury that he had all this time. Whatever he wanted, my parents would fulfill. Was this an excuse for him not to talk so that my parents will love him more?

My mother really didn’t know what she should do. If she left him alone, he would be kept in his own world, being isolated. But, the more she cared him, the more he refused. Even, it was really hard to talk to him. He just covered his ears or switched on the radio loudly when my mother wanted to talk to him. A little voice from my mother, just like a needle dropped onto the library, he would stomp his feet.

Talking about stomping his feet, that’s the way he wanted to get attention from people. When he is really mad, he will stomp his feet and shout. What I meant by shout didn’t mean that he shouted like a normal person with words coming out. No words were formed, just merely yell and cry. He won’t care with his physical pain by stomping the floor. Even he himself won’t realize that his toes and nails were bleeding, yet, still stomping.

Actually, I didn’t really want to return home because I can’t find peace at all. Everyday, my brother would yell, shout, and stomp the floor upon small matters. I really had enough of his cried! My mother asked me to keep silence when he was mad. Yet, sometimes, I really can’t control myself, I would scream at him for I know that if I talked to him nicely, he would shout and didn’t listen to what I said. If ignoring him and kept silence, I worried that my mother could not really stand it. I knew she really suffered a lot when I was not at home. Really, there is no peace for me at all.

There is also a limitation for me in this house, i.e., there is no freedom at all. He would scream if I switched on the light, if I closed the door, if I closed the curtain. All the minor things, he would make it like so serious, so emergency, so big. That day, I helped to close the shampoo lid and he really cried and yelled for about an hour. My mother didn’t know what to do to stop him so she took the shampoo, wanting to throw it away. He snatched it away and threw it on the floor. Then, all the stupid behavior stopped. The lid was broken.

Looking back at this life and my future, what should I do if my mother passed away? I didn’t really want to keep him. Perhaps, my eldest has the same view too. I don’t want him to be a burden of my life, no privacy, no freedom, and no peace at all. The fear, that his attitude would affect my career, always stay in me – might be called back every time if he was mad? Also, couldn’t use the things that belong to me – controlled by him?
Even, because of that, I would afraid to invite friends to my house. What if he unable to control himself when my friends were around? That’s what my parents never invited people to overnight at our place. Could you imagine, he ever forced my grandmother, who came all the way from village to overnight at our place, to go back in the midnight? He would force the people to go back when “His Time” is out. Everyone needed to follow the time he set but not for me.

Just because I love my mother, I have to go back to spend my holiday with her. At the same time, I would avoid my brother. I totally give up and really didn’t know what I should do for him. The road to the future is still far and the life expectation will be more challenging but I’m afraid not for me.

Monday, December 22, 2008


Talking about christmas, people might imagine that there should be a beautifully deorated christmas tree with few boxes of christmas present underneath. Perhaps, there should be a plus-size red-clothed guy shouting "hoho...Merry Christmas", denying the fact that the skinny guy shouldn't be the Santa Clause. As well, there should be a dinner during the eve with roasted turkey as an obligation. Oh! Hold on! Where's the snow...not forget the snowman...Perhaps, this is something that people are desire for their christmas....forgeting the true meaning of christmas....I am so sorry if some of my readers are non-christian....hope you wont be offended when reading this article. "P

For me, christmas is the time of rememberance, a time to recall our savior, Jesus, is born...That's why the day is called, "Christ"mas. We can consider us as fortunate enough because we were born in the hospital. Compared to Jesus, he was being born in a stabble, not a hotel, not an inn, even not a hospital. Sigh.... Can you imagine....once you are born, you are firstly being watched by horses or donkeys, besides your parents....What a phathetic.

Oh! Do you believe in miracle when you pray during Christmas? It really happened to me and it really came true. Well...It happened two years ago, I prayed I could join the choir in kuching as I am really interested in it. But, the problem is that I didnt have the transport to go for practice and no one would accompany...."P...afraid to be alone...haha.....Just after few days later, i went to church and I saw someone familiar. He stared at me and vice versa. After the mass, he approached me, asking a couple of questions. From him, I learnt that we have met few years ago in a camp. we didnt really talk a lot previously. He asked me if I would like to join the choir because he also looked for friend to join him. AHA! And he is willing to send me too. Wow, finally, the wish really came true....someone God is sending an angel!

Well...well...I really hope this time my wish will come true again in this coming christmas..."P...cant talk too much now....."P

Starbucks Miri

My personal view towards the Starbucks in Miri is that, it should be known as Starsucks! By the scale of 1 - 5 rate, i think i would rate it below 1. I had been to both of the starbucks or so called "Starsucks", the service here is really bad. I thought I can sitting there, enjoying the cup of coffee, especially caramel macchiato, while surfing the net. However, for my disappointment, both of the starbucks, i.e. the one in parkson as well as the one in the airport, didn't provide good (i dont mean the best) service for me. It really pissed me off as a regular customer.

Let me start of with the starbucks in parkson, miri. I ordered a cup of toffee nut from them, costed me around RM15.50. Then, i took my seat and switched on my notebook to online, while waiting for the drink. I saw two guys standing at the drink counter talking to the waitress. Then, a cup of drink is placed there, so i wondered would it be mine. I approached the waitress whom was still talking. I tried to ask by saying,"excuse me"but i was not been served! Oh! Perhaps, i should go back to sit first while waiting those two guys flirting with the waitress. Without realising, the guy took away the drink and start drinking, thinking the drink was his.

I stared at the guy but he didnt realise me looking at him. Another guy saw me. He asked another waiter what drink the guy took. To his realisation, it was not his, instead the drink belong to me. When both of the men's drink was served. The waiter asked him to choose one of it. Then, the waiter called me telling me that the drink had been swapped. He asked me to take the drink instead. WHAT THE HELL! Exchanging another drink with other guy! I was really mad. When I saw the previous waitress, i told her why she allowed the guy simply take the drink and also why she ignored me just now. She said, "Why didnt you call me just now?" HELL! I told her, "I called you just now and you are ignoring me while you are flirting with those two guys!" She just smiled at me. HELL.......Doesnt she know "shame"? The workers there dont know how to say "I'm sorry."??? What kind of workers is that with such an attitude towards the customer????

It really pissed me off is that when I wanted to go back, they shouted, "Thanks you. Bye!" HELL...Sooing people is louder than taking an order and calling the order. What is this place? It's really sucks! Mumbelling while taking orders and shouting when people is going back. Is this a high class place? The service is a real bad and terrible!

The one in the airport is also a nightmare for me. I thought i can online there since it is in the airport. Most of the place in airport especially Starbucks can online. I tried the one in Kuching before and the connection there is really great compared to the one in Miri. In miri, there is no connection at all. When asked the workers there, they said they didnt know anything. What's a nut! Hate it......

So, never and ever i would go to starbucks in Miri......kinda poor service!

Saturday, December 13, 2008

Mother's lies

母亲一生的八个谎话 (看完请不要流泪.)儿 时,小男孩家很穷,吃饭时,饭常常不够吃,母亲就把自己碗里的饭分给孩子吃。母亲说,孩子们,快吃吧,我不饿!──母亲撒的第一个谎 男孩长身体的时候,勤劳的母亲常用周日休息时间去县郊农村河沟里捞些鱼来给孩子们补钙。鱼很好吃,鱼汤也很鲜。孩子们吃鱼的时候,母亲就在一旁啃鱼骨头, 用舌头舔鱼骨头上的肉渍。男孩心疼,就把自己碗里的鱼夹到母亲碗里,请母亲吃鱼。母亲不吃,母亲又用筷子把鱼夹回男孩的碗里。母亲说,孩子,快吃吧,我不 爱吃鱼!──母亲撒的第二个谎。上初中了,为了缴够男孩和哥姐的学费,当缝纫工的母亲就去居委会领些火柴盒拿回家来,晚上糊了挣点分分钱补点家用。有个冬 天,男孩半夜醒来,看到母亲还躬着身子在油灯下糊火柴盒。男孩说,母亲,睡了吧,明早您还要上班呢。母亲笑笑,说,孩子,快睡吧,我不困!──母亲撒的第 三个谎 高考那年,母亲请了假天天站在考点门口为参加高考的男孩助阵。时逢盛夏,烈日当头,固执的母亲在烈日下一站就是几个小时。考试结束的铃声响了,母亲迎上去 递过一杯用罐头瓶泡好的浓茶叮嘱孩子喝了,茶亦浓,情更浓。望着母亲干裂的嘴唇和满头的汗珠,男孩将手中的罐头瓶反递过去请母亲喝。母亲说,孩子,快喝 吧,我不渴!──母亲撒的第四个谎。 父亲病逝之后,母亲又当爹又当娘,靠着自己在缝纫社里那点微薄收入含辛茹苦拉扯着几个孩子,供他们念书,日子过得苦不堪言。胡同路口电线杆下修表的李叔叔 知道后,大事小事就找岔过来打个帮手,搬搬煤,挑挑水,送些钱粮来帮补男孩的家里。人非草木,孰能无情。左邻右舍对此看在眼里,记在心里,都劝母亲再嫁, 何必苦了自己。然而母亲多年来却守身如玉,始终不嫁,别人再劝,母亲也断然不听,母亲说,我不爱!──母亲撒的第五个谎 男孩和她的哥姐大学毕业参加工作后,下了岗的母亲就在附近农贸市场摆了个小摊维持生活。身在外地工作的孩子们知道后就常常寄钱回来补贴母亲,母亲坚决不 要,并将钱退了回去。母亲说,我有钱!──母亲撒的第六个谎 男孩留校任教两年,后又考取了美国一所名牌大学的博士生,毕业后留在美国一家科研机构工作,待遇相当丰厚,条件好了,身在异国的男孩想把母亲接来享享清福 却被老人回绝了。母亲说,我不习惯!──母亲撒的第七个谎 晚年,母亲患了胃癌,住进了医院,远在大西洋彼岸的男孩乘飞机赶回来时,术后的母亲已是奄奄一息了。母亲老了,望着被病魔折磨得死去活来的母亲,男孩悲痛 欲绝,潸然泪下。母亲却说,孩子,别哭,我不疼。──母亲撒的第八个谎 不论你多富有,不管你官多大,到什么时候也离不开咱的妈....愿天下父母平安度春秋....... 珍惜母亲的每一个谎言,好好的对待父母,很多东西,失去后才得来的珍贵代价太大.所以一定要好好的爱我们的父母~